reflections


I've been watching the QVC presentations on Nutrisystem on and off all day today. I've cried a bit. Because I am literally there. I don't even have my first order yet and I'm all discombobulated & anxious. 

Sometimes I feel guilty and like a failure because I have to go this route. I'm so ashamed that I have to ask for help. Because I can't do it on my own. I mean, I've lost weight before. Then I've gained it all back. I feel like I'm in the yo-yo diet business for life. But no... I don't want that. 

I want off that ride. 

Cause I've tried everything. And I'm tired of being sick and tired. I am ashamed to do things socially. I hold myself back. I absolute hate going to the doctor's because I am afraid of getting berated. I mean, it's not like he is mean but I guess it's more that I tired of being told to lose weight. 

I've been trying. I get it. I've lost control and I can't do it on my own. So I'm trying this. Please god, let this work.